Dear Reader, What have you discovered through your senses this season?
I am usually asleep by 10 PM, but it is 11 PM, and I am awash in the neon glow of my laptop screen. I notice an iron grip creeping up to ratchet my neck and shoulders as I submit my 89th job application. Who is counting? Though I vowed last month to pivot to a strategic approach to my job fishing, I am still in “spray and pray” mode for interesting openings, hoping to land at least a screening interview. “What am I doing here?”
I sigh audibly and move on to an intriguing exploratory testing exercise, a test that is part of the application process for freelance work training AI. I was invited by a recruiter based supposedly on my excellent grammar and writing style on LinkedIn. I smile as I draft a 5-7 sentence story involving a green octopus with a PhD in English Lit in the FTX headquarters office on November 8, 2022, where a cryptocurrency crime came to light. For real, this was one of the application questions! I finish the test at 11:30.
A soft metal clunk as I close the laptop and then ascend from the basement to bed. I lie in the dark and fret that my octopus story concluded with a haiku. “Oh no, you should have incorporated English Lit, not Japanese poetry!” I fret about this week’s embarrassing meeting schedule snafu with a freelance client and realize I am too exhausted to do my retrospective on how to avoid this going forward. I future-trip about health insurance and when to have shoulder surgery, wondering when I might be able to swim again, and whether or not I will be able to ski this season. There is my monkey mind.
I “light” an electric candle on my nightstand. I feel sad because I realize that I forgot to keep my promise to myself to play today. This play was supposed to be something to treat the senses – painting or visiting the herb farm just outside of town. In the soft glow of flickering shadows, I begin to calm down and focus on belly breathing. I move on to more pleasant thoughts.
I recall gold nuggets from my morning reading, John O’Donohue’s Anam Cara, Chapter 3 on the Luminosity of Solitude: “Individuality is the only gateway to spiritual potential…When the spiritual search is too intense and hungry, the soul stays hidden…candlelight being the most respectful form of light to approach the inner world…remaining reverent to the fecundity of the mystery.” I attempt to talk sweetly to myself.
Remember dear One, your security is within. You are safe. Your identity and self-worth is not in a job. You were already financially prepared for unemployment. Keep your promise to yourself to have some fun. That’s what this movement in the symphony of your life is all about – an opportunity to be and express who you are, to get out of your head and into your body. To be attuned to your intuition and that childlike creativity that is still eager to be explored. Just as you hold space of genuine curiosity and openness towards other humans, offer that to yourself. See what happens when you enjoy solitude and play more.
Dear Reader, I hope you, too, can find playtime this summer. And I hope you enjoy this:
May your body be blessed.
Blessing for the Senses, from O’Donohue, Anam Cara, Chapter 2, page 77
May you realize that your body is a faithful and beautiful friend of your soul.
And may you be peaceful and joyful and recognize that your senses are sacred thresholds.
May you realize that holiness is mindful, gazing, feeling, hearing, and touching.
May your senses gather you and bring you home.
May your senses always enable you to celebrate the universe and the mystery and possibilities in your presence here.
May the Eros of the Earth bless you.
Today’s Musical Accompaniments
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