Here is the lesson I learned from my 1st job. What is yours?
I am 14 years old & it is the last day of my summer job at the J Farm in South Alabama. I am grateful to be here, proud to be working hard all summer, harvesting corn, washing vegetables, filling the bins, helping customers. I step out of the blistering sun & into the shade of the metal vegetable shed. Mrs. J is my spry, sinewy, dark-haired, leathery tan boss. I am afraid of her temper. She motions for me to join her at the farm’s only cash register nestled in the corner. She shows me the paper reel. See this number? $1600.00. This is what the machine says should be in this cash drawer. Turns out the actual amount in here is only $1535.25. There have been discrepancies like this all summer. Do you know why that is?
Stunned, I wonder inwardly, if the mismatch is a result of my incompetence with the cash register or because her nephew is stealing. Oh wait, she thinks I have been stealing! Mouth-dry, stomach suddenly queasy, I muster up the courage to speak the truth. I don’t know. Sometimes I get confused with the machine, especially when we were super busy with a bunch of customers, but I never ask anyone for help. I’m sorry.
There’s an awkward pause. She hands me my final paycheck, Well, maybe you should have asked for help then. You are a nice kid & a hard worker. You will find something else for work next summer. Thanks. Have a good school year.
Why didn’t she bring this up when she first noticed? Mrs. J & her husband not only my bosses, they are also my neighbors & my dad’s customers. Maybe it would be uncomfortable to confront me or my parents. Why didn’t I just admit early on I was scared of the responsibility with cash register? I am afraid of looking stupid. I am embarrassed that I am nervous handling money. I steel myself to walk and not run as I exit the shed & hop on my 10-speed. My legs pump the bike pedals down the hard-packed red clay road towards home a half mile away. Blindsided & angry at being seen as a thief, I am simultaneously amused at the absurdity of the situation. I have been fired on my last day. It is too late.
Our combined daily decisions have created the situation. I pretend everything is fine & pretend I am confident with handling $ at cash register. She bites her tongue & presumably fumes. She is dissatisfied with my performance affecting the bottom line of her business. – maybe not significant $ impact yet there must be erosion of trust over time. From day 1 there was an opportunity for “Radical Candor” [4 min. intro video] on both our parts, the employee & the manager. – to “care personally & challenge directly; to undo the trainings we all go through at 18 months old (if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all), to undo the trainings you went through as a teenager or young adult at 18 years old (be professional)”. Radical candor builds connection. It fosters growth in the form of self-awareness. It shows you/they care. To feel seen & heard. That’s what everyone wants, right?
What if early in that summer A) I had stepped into my fear & admitted I was not sure what I was doing with that old cash register? or B) my boss had brought up her concerns? I would have learned something. I would have seen us both in a different light at the time. The lesson here is to not be like me at 14. Garner up the gumption to let your guard down. Speak up. Unlearn your old habits. See what happens.
Side note: It turns out that Mrs. J had not given up on me. 15 years later while I recovered from a divorce & worked full-time in the technology field, I also tried out my own business. I sold Arbonne products on the side for a couple of years. Mrs. J & her family supported me in my business. They bought my products & opened their homes to me to host Arbonne demos/parties. The sweet generosity of community.
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Today’s musical accompaniment: Where our water isn’t hidden, we can burn and be forgiven…, we can laugh without a reason – Iron & Wine’s Call It Dreaming
Here is more info on Radical Candor [link].
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